Pretty Vacant!
by metallicanirvana
Summary: Meet Homer, a 44 year old father who has made some pretty terrible mistakes. Now he must deal with being fired and not being able to give his family the basics that all living humans need. Will he lose everything he loves or will he find a way to change?
1. Life shattered in an instant

Hi, my name is homer

Hi, my name is homer. I work in a nuclear power plant in my local town Springfield but because of my love of nature and beer I'm slowly destroying both. I am having a drink at my favourite bar in Springfield, Moe's Tavern.

"Hey Barney, what are you doing back here?" Moe says with smug look.

"I just want to apologise for my past behaviour." Barney replied.

"You already did that."

"Oh… it was in my diary." I grab his diary from him.

"This is last year's diary." I say with a laugh.

"So?"

"Well your suppose to get a new one every year."

"Oh….. can I borrow 5?" He asks Lenny, a good friend of mine who agrees.

"You owe me, while you got 5 you might as well buy yourself a drink." Lenny says with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Stop twinkling!!" I scream at him.

"I'm sorry, it's a kidney stone that found its way near my brain." He responds and even though that makes no sense I'm too drunk to care.

"Dancing in the shadows," Moe says.

"Why did you say that?" I ask and he shrugs his shoulders. That was all typical behaviour of my friends, or so I have become to call them. I walk home and now it's time to introduce my stupid family.

"Homie, how are you?" Marge asks.

"I don't know, cook me some food woman." I say harshly at her who groans and returns to the kitchen. I have three children, Maggie (6 years old), Lisa (14 years old) and Bart (17 years young apparently). They were a head ache, believe me.

"Daddy I hurtee myy fenger." Maggie says but I don't respond to her.

"Hey Bart, where do you think your going?" I ask Bart who looks dressed for something.

"A drinking party with plenty or sex, drugs and horny chicks." He replies.

"Oh, ok." I respond as I wave him goodbye and he jumps into his own car and drives away.

"Daddy, Bart's room smellz lyk Otto's scwool buzz."

"I don't care ok?" I shall at Maggie who starts to cry.

"I didn't mean it like that." I say in a posh voice.

"Dad, what are you doing?" Lisa asked, she walked into the room with Martin Prince.

"What does it look like? I'm doing what I do best, nothing!!" I reply to my daughter of 14 years.

"Well, while you got spare time on your hands I think you should take out the garbage."

"You would think that wouldn't you, Meegie go get daddy a beer." It's not a great life I live but I'll like you to live a better one in today's society. All I hear is murder this, rape this, Homer did that, I'm getting really sick of your behaviour, your not suppose to have sex while driving. Tell all that to my ass who does what it wants, when it wants. Except shit sometimes, yeah it does get hard to shit at times… I have to take laxatives sometimes to make it easier but then I'm stuck on the bowl for years to come.

Today was the change of my life as I knew it, I got a letter from the power plant, one that none of the family has since yet. I kept it hidden, they don't need to know the horrible truth. After years and years of being a bad father now I'm going to be a poor one too. I have just found out I been fired and I have no idea what to do about it.

"So how was everybody's day?" Marge asked as I sat down for diner. Everyone had already started which was weird because I was usually the first to start and finish before asking for more.

"Mine was good mummy, I saw a cute leetle kitty." Maggie replies.

"It wasn't bad, me and Martin finally finished our physics assignment, too much work." Lisa replied. Bart was still at that party.

"How was your day Homie?"

"Huh?" I replied.

"I asked how your day was."

"Oh… it was alright I guess, no big news at the power plant. No reason to call them up or anything." I say nervously.

"Oh that's good, I told you to stay out of trouble at work didn't I?"

"You might have mentioned it once or twice but I don't keep track of all my conversations." I say with a smirk.

"Well, I'm done… I'll see you in bed darling." I say getting up from my seat.

"But Homer, you hardly touched your food."

"Well I'm just saving it for later…" I say truthfully.

"But why?"

"Do you have to ask me about everything?" I reply running to the room. How can I be a good father and a heavy alcoholic with no job? This is too much, I wish there was an easier solution.


	2. The Chicken Costume

"Homer, I got another warning from the power company… it's the final one

"Homer, I got another warning from the power company… it's the final one." Marge says sitting down next to me. I had been faking going to work but instead I went to Moe's to relieve my pain.

"Is that so? Well I must have forgotten, I'll do it right." I say getting my cheque book out. I write up a cheque, Marge returns back into the kitchen and I rip up the cheque. I don't want to let her find out that I'm broke. I have no idea how much long I will be able to hide it.

"Dad, I need some money for a new calculator." Lisa says walking into the room. She was always the greatest achievement attached to my name but I can't help her without money.

"Ask your mum." I say, I know Marge has some money left… maybe I should tell her I'm jobless so doesn't waste it all. I can't tell my queen that, she deserves nothing but the best. What is wrong with me? Why couldn't I just work harder and save up? I need a miracle, I need a job…

-

"Ok, so the deep fryer is there but you won't be touching it, here's the chicken costume." He said handing it to me. I put it on quickly, it was so shameful. I went outside to the footpath outside the eagle's pizza where I was working. I was waving out to people who were walking by telling them to eat here. What ever it takes I don't care, I don't want my family starving… I don't care how embarrassing it is, I'm getting 7 an hour and if I don't eat, we will have enough for food and all the rest of the things my family deserve.

Later that day when I return home I switch on the light and realise that the power has been cut. Marge is staring at me angrily, waiting for an explanation.

"Well Homer, why is our power cut? Why wasn't the phone bill paid and how come we no longer have warm water?" Marge said with eyes searching my soul for the purpose. I can't help but run up stairs, I run into my room lock it and start crying.

"Homer… Homer, open the door…" Marge said. I don't respond, I just continue crying, I am an adult but my tears remind me of how childish I truly am.

"Homer, can you just tell me what the matter is?"

"I was fired ok? No I work as a stupid giant chicken, little kids spit on my shoes, teenagers mock me and adults slap me when I tell their wives about eagle's pizza." I say opening the door.

"I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with what you need. You deserve nothing but the best, this whole family does but I'm nothing but a loser."

"Awh Homie… it's okay," Marge said putting her arms around me and wiping my tears away. Her touch is so soothing to my soul and I stop crying.

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? When we got married you didn't have a job and I didn't care. I love you Homie and don't worry we will get along some how, maybe I could teach piano lessons."

"But you can't play the piano."

"I'll just be one lesson a head of the students." She said smiling weakly.

"Awh Marge, I love you for sticking with me till the end."


	3. I don't deserve them

A/N: My shortest chapter ever…

A/N: My shortest chapter ever…

I had been forced into being a chicken for nearly 2 weeks now. I was searching for other jobs but they have been unsuccessful. Lisa heard about the news and instantly started giving saxophone lessons. Bart learnt about my being fired as well and has started looking for a job. Marge has frying burgers at Krusty burgers.

"Daddy, how come we can't watch T.V anymore?" Maggie asked sitting on my lap. I couldn't tell her the truth, she was my little angel and I don't want her to know her father is a failure.

"Because I… want us to spend more time as a family without T.V." I say weakly. I was forced to give up my alcohol for my family, I don't deserve a drink. I'm a failure as a husband, as a father and as a human.

"Hey dad… have you asked about… uhh talked to Mr Burns?" Lisa asked. I had put a considerable amount of pressure on her. I knew she is always my saviour but she is now the bread earner in the family at only 14.

"Yeah… he doesn't like me." I say lamely putting my elbows on my knees and resting my head on my hands.

"Why daddy? I like you." I like it when children are young and in the cute phrase because after that they become demonic little bitches.

"You shouldn't Maggie, your daddy's a very bad man." I say shamefully getting up and walking to my bedroom.

"Boy, I'm leaving… you're the man of the house now."

"What?" Bart asked confused as I walk into his room.

"I just can't stand to kill all of your futures, you deserve so much better than me and without me you will have one less mouth to feed." I say walking out of the house, they can sell all of my stuff if they like. I don't deserve it. All I have is 20 and a car and that's more than I deserve.

"Daddy… Daddy where are you going?" Maggie asked coming up to the car.

"Sweetie, remember daddy loves you and he always will." I say driving off.


End file.
